Princy & Aslan

A certain change has emerged. Those hours where we used to talk have shrunk down to a few minutes only and sometimes she didn't even reply even when she's online. And it hurts. It hurts so much that I'm discouraged. I'm discouraged to go on. I'm discouraged to help myself. I don't want to get healed. She is my inspiration.  Today I told her that I needed her help. I won't say she didn't talk but she was online for a while but she didn't reply. I'm trying to remain sane but it hurts to see that I'm nowhere on her priority anymore.  Still I have enlisted some points to keep myself positive even when things say otherwise. I thought she is ignoring me when she didn't talk for whole day but at night she called immediately after getting free from the work. I was still her first priority. She's doing this because this attachment is painful. She is trying to protect me. May be someone is around when she's online on WhatsApp so she can...

     It feels so bad when she doesn't reply. I know she cares, I know she thinks of me. I know I matter so much to her. I know I'm so important to her but it's not the same and it will never be. There's a difference between the way I do it and the way she does it. For me, she's my everything and with every breath I think of her. Yes she also thinks of me most of the time but not with every breath, because I'm not her everything.      She loved him only with that much heart and soul. He means everything to her, not me and that's why it's not the same from both the ends. But I've accepted it. But acceptance doesn't alleviate the pain and I don't want it. This pain is beautiful. This pain makes me proud that I could at least love someone this way. If I loved her only because she loved me in the same manner, my love would be a bit selfish. But loving her when I know she won't love me the same, makes me proud. That's why this pain is beaut...

Dear Princy      I'm sorry for not talking to you today. I'm sorry for deleting all those messages I had sent. I want to tell you that even when I don't talk to you, I want to talk. It crushes my heart and a great burden weighs on my shoulders when I resist myself from talking to you. Why am I doing it, even I don't know.      I've been checking my WhatsApp every now and then as I have been anticipating a message from you. Every now and then I check my phone half expecting to see if you've called and it adds to my grief to know that there's been no call nor any messages.      Maybe I did this because I wanted to see if it makes you anxious when I've not messaged you or called you. And will this anxiety make you call me or message me. But so far you seem to be going somewhat smoothly without me. But for me it's entirely different. I find myself in a pit where I will be destroyed. Yes I'll somehow carry on but from inside I'll be dead. I feel n...

     I don't know where to start telling you, but I miss you a lot, and I feel so restless without talking to you. Last night, I wished I could talk to you, but it was so difficult. People say they miss their loved ones with every breath, but I am not exaggerating. I miss you almost every moment, every time, every second. I miss you.      I will leave for medical college today at 11:00 a.m. as there is a proposed meeting at 12:00 p.m. However, meetings are mostly delayed from the proposed time by 1 to 2 hours, so I think I will have sufficient time to talk with full privacy. I will keep you updated.      Do you know I never used to get up so many times in the middle of my sleep? I would straight away go to bed at 11:00 p.m. and wake up at 7 or 8 a.m. But now, you are so much on my mind that I always half expect to find your message in my inbox, so I keep checking it frequently.      How can I describe the way my heart is beatin...

Dear sweet child of universe I'm sorry I made a terrible mistake today and life will never be the same from now onwards for I have lost you forever because of my own folly. How would I carry on without you any more? But my presence was becoming troublesome for you and was adding to your daily problems. So with a heavy heart I choose to walk out of your life. Yes it hurts, it hurts more than I had imagined. And it crushes my soul so much and I cry loudly in pain and ask the universe to give me another chance where I would undo all the mistakes I've made. Alas! Nothing can be done and I have no way out but to lie here alone in the agony and see myself being ruined by your absence. Without you. Life had lost its meaning and I wish I was never born. The place you hold in my heart can never ever belong to anyone else.  Every now and then I look at the screen of my phone to see if you've called or messaged. I come to WhatsApp to see if you'll message me or not. I see you onli...

Princy: I watched Rockstar today. I wished we had watched it together. In the whole movie I was thinking of you. Me: I didn't know ki movies dubara bhi lagti hai. Princy: Yes, It's awesome. And I'm remembering you. It gives so much of your thoughts. Like how he loves singing and music. You must watch. Me: Thank you so much for taking out time in the midst of the movie. It means so much more than anything. ‘Fir se ud chala ud ke chora hai.’ You've changed me entirely to a different person. Moved me out of my comfort zone. Gave me new horizons to pursue. I just discovered one thing about what was bothering me. I thought I wanted to be with you but it's not that. Yes I want to be with you but not being able to be near to you isn't something that's bothering me. It's the lack of show of love that disturbs me. If you show your love and care, nothing can make me anxious or sad for long. I was feeling so happy the day before yesterday and see I'm happy even...

  Me: Thank you so much for being there for me. Please ever take that special space away. Princy: Yes. I miss you. You are the best person I have ever met. Call me any time. Me: No Princy. I want you to sleep. I want to talk but more than that I want you to sleep.  Please do this for me. Princy:  I will always care for you. Me: Your words of love and care can keep me going on even in my darkest hour. Best things I've ever heard. Princy:  I’m overwhelmed with emotions Me: I'm missing you extremely. I can hardly keep my tears. (When she said don’t love me this much) You deserve to be loved this much. I'll be praying a lot and will keep on improving and become a better version of me day by day.