WHY DO I WAIT

-
It's not in my ability to fathom the mystery of my love for her. At first I don't understand why I love her and following that I don't comprehend why her love has made me a captive. 

Had it been some other day, I would have left by now but today I'm here waiting, knowing not how long I'll have to wait. When the wait is over, it'll be just a few hours, but still I'm waiting. Just to exchange a few words before I leave, just to get one more glance, just to adore her beauty one more time, just to hold her hands once more. I'm the surface these seem to be normal emotions, but from the inside they seem to be the most powerful forces I've ever felt. A force that can make me wait. A force that can make me move out of my comfort zone so gladly. A force that can help me fill my void that has been deserted for so many years. A force that helps me keep going even when palpitations disturb me, even when I feel I can bear no more. At dark times it gives me hope and I endure the pain I once thought to be unbearable.

To be near her, I could exchange everything that I have. I could put myself through years of agony just to spend a few seconds with her. Princy, Princy, Princy. Though these words hardly depart from my lips and travel in the air around me, they are always reverberating in my head, in my heart and in my breath.

Princy, Princy, Princy. Only if you could touch my heart and feel my pain, you could have eased the pain that's been stirring up within me. Princy, oh dear Princy! How on earth could I turn back and make you mine forever! How on earth could I bestow all the love and care that your heart desired! What on earth could I exchange to keep you by my side!

These are stupid imaginations aren't they? It's a curse to have a surge of emotions countered by a rational mind. If I were purely emotional, I could have left everyone else behind just to be with you. And if I had a purely rational mind, full of understanding of the consequences of our actions; I would have buried these feelings deep inside of me where they would eventually die within me. But I'm neither fully rational nor fully emotional, both parts of me work together putting me in a deep indecision, making my suffering grow stronger. But somewhere in me I feel like I want to suffer just to get the dose of those moments that give the greatest joy of my life and to be true it's worth exchanging this pain for that beautiful feeling of being with you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

AN UNSENT LETTER

-
     It feels so bad when she doesn't reply. I know she cares, I know she thinks of me. I know I matter so much to her. I know I'm so important to her but it's not the same and it will never be. There's a difference between the way I do it and the way she does it. For me, she's my everything and with every breath I think of her. Yes she also thinks of me most of the time but not with every breath, because I'm not her everything.      She loved him only with that much heart and soul. He means everything to her, not me and that's why it's not the same from both the ends. But I've accepted it. But acceptance doesn't alleviate the pain and I don't want it. This pain is beautiful. This pain makes me proud that I could at least love someone this way. If I loved her only because she loved me in the same manner, my love would be a bit selfish. But loving her when I know she won't love me the same, makes me proud. That's why this pain is beaut...
Read more

WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE DOESN'T TALK

-
A certain change has emerged. Those hours where we used to talk have shrunk down to a few minutes only and sometimes she didn't even reply even when she's online. And it hurts. It hurts so much that I'm discouraged. I'm discouraged to go on. I'm discouraged to help myself. I don't want to get healed. She is my inspiration.  Today I told her that I needed her help. I won't say she didn't talk but she was online for a while but she didn't reply. I'm trying to remain sane but it hurts to see that I'm nowhere on her priority anymore.  Still I have enlisted some points to keep myself positive even when things say otherwise. I thought she is ignoring me when she didn't talk for whole day but at night she called immediately after getting free from the work. I was still her first priority. She's doing this because this attachment is painful. She is trying to protect me. May be someone is around when she's online on WhatsApp so she can...
Read more

I WISH IT DIDN'T END THIS WAY

-
Dear sweet child of universe I'm sorry I made a terrible mistake today and life will never be the same from now onwards for I have lost you forever because of my own folly. How would I carry on without you any more? But my presence was becoming troublesome for you and was adding to your daily problems. So with a heavy heart I choose to walk out of your life. Yes it hurts, it hurts more than I had imagined. And it crushes my soul so much and I cry loudly in pain and ask the universe to give me another chance where I would undo all the mistakes I've made. Alas! Nothing can be done and I have no way out but to lie here alone in the agony and see myself being ruined by your absence. Without you. Life had lost its meaning and I wish I was never born. The place you hold in my heart can never ever belong to anyone else.  Every now and then I look at the screen of my phone to see if you've called or messaged. I come to WhatsApp to see if you'll message me or not. I see you onli...
Read more