GREED

Humans are greedy. This I've heard so much in my life. Greed is a vice, and I was proud I was away from it. I thought I was different until I discovered this feeling in me. I'm not greedy for money, fame, or luxuries, but I am greedy for love. But not just any kind of love can satisfy that greed; it's only and only her love. So many people love me, but still, I feel incomplete because she's far away, somewhere on the other side of those impossibilities, where she's loved by someone else.

My heart sinks in despair at the realization of this. I knew from the start that there's no future, but now I've started to dream impossible dreams to be with her. No doubt her love has given me a new hope, it has put my monsters at bay and she has inspired me to become a better version of me. But still I want more, I want to spend each second with her and each second spent away from her gives me agonizing suffering.

No amount of money, luxuries, fame and other things can fill that space that's kept only for her. I may become the luckiest person in the world and still I won't feel so if she's not there. Even though I have everything in this world but not her then it's all hollow, all empty, all rubbish. She's the only one who makes my world whole.

I mostly think, why? Why doesn't my desire to get her love end? Am I not lucky to get this much love in my life? Am I not lucky to be loved back by her, even though I'm not the first person she loves? Why does it feel like I want to snatch every bit of love she has just for me? Why do I want her to love me and me only?

Once, I was proud of my love—that I loved her unconditionally and would continue to love her even if she didn't love me back. But now, I have begun to have doubts. Will I love her in the same way? Or will I quit loving her? Can someone unlove the person they were loving? I don't know. But sometimes, it hurts, and the thought of giving up arises in me. But it's just a thought, isn't it? Action is something different from thought. If I really give up, then it is something different.

She tells me “Don't love me this much.” But can I have control? Am I not merely an ordinary human? And she's so irresistible that no ordinary human can keep himself from falling from her. People's way of addressing one in a million, feels different for me. For me she's not one in a million or billion or trillion but she's one in every person that has ever lived or ever will live. She's one in all humankind ever lived. She's my goddess, the one to be adored and to be worshiped.